Naked

The other day I was talking with a long time friend.  I was stressed and joked about quitting school to which he replied, "Then what would you do?" And, in a more serious answer than you would think, I said, "Probably run around naked in the woods." We laughed about this and the conversation moved on.  However, it doesn't sound half bad to me - living naked in the woods.  I spend every spare second I have putting as much distance between me and, well, everything else.

It all started with an apple.  Eve just had to eat it and screw us all over, right?  It wasn't until this year that I began to actually understand the forbidden fruit story, but it makes sense now.  What was the first thing they noticed after eating of the fruit?  Their nakedness.  And I think this is both a literal and metaphorical thing.  Because honestly- why do we need clothes?  Of course in the winter it makes sense, but most of the time it just seems like a silly social construction.  As for the metaphor - they noticed their ignorance and were plagued with the desire to know rather than just participate.  I spend so much of my time actively working to participate rather than know because it feels right.  And it makes sense - because Eve had to eat that damn apple, it is now against instinct to not question everything.

What a lot of our presentations/class talks have addressed is the idea of finding one's true self by stripping away all the other "stuff" that is in the way.  Is it not ironic that, while Adam and Eve's first action was to cover themselves, we are forever destined to, in this metaphorical sense, try and get naked?

Conner's blog talks about love and complete surrender.  Which reminds me of the Louise Erdich quote I used in my presentation that contained the line, "You are here to be swallowed up."  It makes sense.  We are here to be completely used and then we die.  By the end of life, you should be able to look back and think "I used everything I had.  And the universe therefore used every part of me."  This is similar to when I'm coaching rock climbing; when one of my kids is hesitant to make a move on a route I always encourage them to just go for it - worst case scenario is that they miss the move and end up hanging there by the rope.   And being as it is totally safe, there is no risk.  Life requires that we give our all.  We don't need any extra "self" after we die, so why not just leave it all on the court?  And to circle back to Conner's blog; this is true of love as well.  You may be the "safe" one if you are loving the lesser amount, but are you actually participating in the love at all? Are your actions based off of feelings?  Or are they based off of what you know?

A combination of events has led me to be simultaneously terrified, skeptical, and yet very desiring of love.  I love love.  I love loving and feeling the high that comes from a complete surrender; from being completely swallowed up.  But the fall is real.  There is no rope.  So is it worth it?

My answer: yes.  Always.  Because even if you are rejected, you are at least naked.  You may have your heart broken, but you can handle it.  Everyone can and most have to at at least one point in their life.  And when you are sitting there, distraught and feeling really really shitty (because let's face it - it's no fun), you will look into the mirror and see only yourself.  Naked.  And what a great place to start from.  The homeless man Jonah met talked of rebuilding his shelter every night.  Every night.  If he can start from scratch each morning, I'm sure each and every one of you can do it a few times throughout your lives.