I complete the wall and look around me - taking in all the beauty - and realize that I am not alone. I feel my mind stretch like elastic as it, as usual, tries to focus on everything at once. I try pulling it back in to feel the power that is a concentrated mind, to feel as I did throughout my climb, but do not succeed. "Alright, lower!" I yell down to my belayer, already thinking ahead to the next climb - the next moment of pure concentration.
I am completely fascinated by that moment, the moment Sven Birkerts describes as "the capture." We can pay attention with all our might, but it will never even come close to what occurs when our attention is captured. A similar parallel exists between being distracted and day dreaming. You see - when we try to pay attention or when we are distracted, we find that our mind is being actively guided or told what to do. However, when our mind is captured or when we are day dreaming, our mind follows or wanders completely unfettered. This freeness of thought is what allows for a higher intensity to be experienced; since none of our energy is being used to focus, it can all be used to absorb the moment.
I yearn for these moments, for in these moments I am completely present, completely aware, completely alive. I want nothing more than to live in an eternity of this moment. However, I don't know how to. Thus far, the only times I experience this utter alignment with myself is when I am out hiking or climbing or immersing myself as deeply as I can in the natural world. When it comes to being in the classroom or at home or at work, I find that my attention is spread everywhere like a flimsy layer of cellophane, which obviously only makes it harder for me to feel on track with - or even aware of - what is going on. And in my tireless pursuit for that moment I choose to neglect the tasks I have at hand (yes, my homework does fall into this category) in favor of putting myself in a position to experience that euphoric moment once more. Because that is what feels right. And, according to Darwinian chains of thought, if it feels that good it must be something good for us. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how I justify spending every spare second hiking around and exploring my surroundings.
I feel that is concept also relates to what Matt brought up in class today about the collective unconscious. Matt posed the idea that mythology is something that naturally flows through us, rather than being something we control. I absolutely align with this idea. Going through school and having teachers tell us to dissect every little thing to find all the hidden allusions always seemed to me like a game; if you search hard enough you can find anything. However, the idea that those elements and patterns are in, well, everything makes sense if we all have it hardwired into our brain. Then, like the patterns we use without thinking to converse with one another, we would be writing according to a pattern that exists because it is the only way we know how to write.
The connection between this subconscious pattern and the ability to focus comes into play when we think about why we are sometimes able to so fully focus. If we can't demand it of ourselves - turn it on with the flip of a switch - then it must be a subconscious trigger that causes it.
At the end of the day, I think of these things. I think of how we are telling the same stories over and over and over again. I think of how we are alive for moments at a time and how the rest of our time is spent at a foggy and muffled distance from what is happening. And I think of how I would so love to become alive in this moment - to be captured by it - and for my mind to revert into itself so that I could see the patterns of story within myself. I'm sure they are there. Everything points to it. I need simply to wake my mind up and observe with such clarity so that I can know.
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